A pathetic state

I am now proned on my bed, in a much pathetic state. Ask me why I am still typing? cos I want to have no regrets. Well...that might be a little too serious a note.Nvm.

This kelvin forsaken fever has really come at a wrong time.Why now, when BPT is just next week. Its putting me in a great dilemma. Haiz...Consider all the words that will be flying around if I am absent from the BPT. For one, Marc will KB, noel will KB. This is gonna put sgt ong in a damn bad position. i don't want that to ever happen. Not to sgt ong. Secondly, 2ic and oc are really gonna be one times pissed. I remember OC saying hat he expects no Att Cs. 2ic is a hard nut to crack. Last bu definitely not the least,how are my man gonna look at this. How am I gonna face my man when they return on thursday evening with camo on. Well.....how? I can choose to go, irregardless of my physical state. There is the fear of the unforgiving sun, merciless rain and the deep of the no sleep nights. I can just imagine the terrible feeling. outfield with a fever running under the hot sun, how would that feel. Who knows what will happen. Its all based on assumptions, ones that are valid. If I recover by tomorrow morning, I will have a day to rest, then outfield on monday should be fine. Yet it seems like everytime before we even move out, I will be soaked in sweat, burning in my fucking coverall. I still remember the previous moveout when I was totally shag out befor the exercise even starts. And the man were still in admin sleeping in their bunk when I was half dead. Something is damn wrong here. The man of Hawk coy are damn spoilt. So should I endure through the 4days3nights and overcome adversity with my fighting spirit? Or should I just be self-fish and care only about my health cos afterall, I will just F off after anoher 8 months. Well...if Noel can be in phuket during the last ex....hmmm.....damn it. I wish I can be fighting fit with a clap.

And yesterday had me enduring quite alot as well. The fever was slight in the morning. But when I was on my way home, I felt like puking. Fuck. The feeling sucks. It always starts with some weird feeling up your esophaegus. Then the sick and weak of the stomach sets in. Then you can't stand properly. I sat at the mrt station for some half and hour and at westmall's exterior for sometime before I could make my way home. Now that I think of it, I swear I am seriously pissed off. The feeling fucking sucks. It must have been damn embarassing. reminds me of what I told Nick Pang when we were damn drunk the last time. What's the point of being dressed so nice when you feel like dirt and behave like a pathetic prick in public. Only this time its virus and not alcohol. Cursed. And I was wearing the same shirt twice. The last last time I wore it, it was a sad an unlucky day as well. I should burn that shirt. NB.

Yesterday, the crepes at citylink sucks so much I felt like puking as well. Only I perserve through eating it. Cannot finish eating....infront of a lady....damn it. Then in all ultimate suayness, I can actually drop the movie ticket. WTF. I can't believe how suay I have been these days. Am I being cursed or something? Fuck la...try me man..make my vehicle overturn la. I challenge fate. I am god. I am Kelvin. NB. Try me. So darn embarassing yesterday. Kaoz...makes me feel even more pissed. And I can't even rest properly tonight cos I gotta book in and prep my bloody vehicle.

My last words, I am greater than greatness, down but not out. I will go outfield...just to challenge fate. I don't believe its so easy to die in this world.

Now anyone can leave comment already...

Haiz...bu yao dui wo na me hao. Its not your duty. Nor am I guilty. Can't explain...just don't.